Pain

But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. -Gibran

I have spent the last 10 years in an empty room staring at the floor, walls, ceiling...myself. I have been wholly obsessed by my solitude, proud I can live with myself, within myself...without myself.

Without you.

Force without motion. Powerlessness and impotence met by paralysing obsession and a dangerously inhuman approach to death. I even planned my funeral in that room.

Without you.

I became psychotic, feeling for the walls you made to surround me to keep me safe from myself. I became an insane dribbling fool, alone in that room.

Without you.

I ate and became hungry, I drank and remained thirsty, I experienced dreamless sleeps. Nothing came to me and everything slipped away. Speech escaped me and unable to communicate I learnt to live.

Without you.

Slowly, recently something changed. I felt I was somehow previously wrong in my thinking. In my darkest hour I realised my mistake. I then became enlightened, empowered by one single, powerful, concentrated thought. I was no longer thinking about living.

With you.

Image: Pain by Solthra