I don't know if I can call myself an Occultist any more. I haven't practised in over six years, since Nox left. He took something from me, something which I freely gave. The truth is I am no longer seeking. Every motive has gone, there is no quest any more. Nothing to read and nothing to do except scratch out graphical images like this.

I guess I am whole and it is extremely frustrating to think of all those years which the journey measured and got me here to this point in time where I can completely without hesitation say "I am whole! And indeed I am human"

Whatever was locked in got let out.

Every day instead of wanting so desperately for the manifestation of my will I am reversed in my thinking and I thank the gods my will manifested is not here beside me. I was never very good at banishings, I preferred for things to remain. Now nothing remains, not even desire. There is no loneliness nor bitterness, no joy or pain. Simply this - an enduring sense of fulfillment as I look into the sky and whisper no louder than the air, "I'm still here. I endured."